THE BASIC THOUGHT PROCESS
If you pay attention and “slow down” your thought process for a moment and be aware of the dialog you will be amazed how this really works on a moment to moment basis. Sometimes the voice ( thought) is crystal clear and almost loud, others times very subtle and quiet and yet it has the same profound effect on our decisions and behaviors.
An example...say you have a thought to make that phone call that you really want to but all of a sudden there are a dozen thoughts to distract you, to procrastinate.. to stopping from making the call at all..
Well... let’s look at this for a moment..
The first thought was your spontaneity your first real desire..
Then you get bombarded with a dozen after thoughts attempting to control your first thought… these are the parenting tapes, the introjects whatever you want to call it .. simply doing what it has been doing for years.. CONTROLLING YOU…
If you also pay attention for a moment and examine the reasons why you change your mind based on what the voice ( thought) is telling you OR if you QUESTION the thoughts that are contrary to what you want to do you will see that the reasoning behind the action is down right stupid.
Take a moment and reflect on how many times when you were a child simply wanting to play.. and your parent stopped you.. many times for no apparent reason either.. well this is the same process going on only that now it is an integral part of the mind….
I’ll repeat for a moment ..
regarding Your own inner dialog ,
your first
THOUGHT
is your
spontaneity
it is
YOU
it is the
"I"
in what I want to do etc.
The following thought that normally contradicts, tries to control or commonly accepted as “ Changing my mind “ is actually the parenting tape ( thought ). If you pay attention you will be amazed at how often this occurs throughout the day.
When this was brought to my attention I was amazed at how I was treating ( parenting) myself. If I made a simple mistake I would always call myself a “stupid son of a bitch”. Whenever I made an achievement I would never compliment myself or celebrate..It would be “big shit.. what’s the big deal “etc. Following my initial Inner Child work that brought back some respect for myself and then discovering the work by Mr. Pollard I CONSCIOUSLY stopped abusing myself..This was the first step for myself to change ... I then made a vow to myself ..NO MORE ABUSE !
Recently I turned up my awareness another notch and realized how much the very subtle dialog has been influencing my job performance and my ability to connect with women...
Reprinted by permission:
VOICE THERAPY by Dr. Robert Firestone, Glendon Associates
Pg65"We learned that, as a result of "listening" to the voice,an individual tends to deny his wants and turn against his goals and priorities. We concluded,based on these observations,that the voice functions as a regulatory mechanism,mediating self destructive behaviors and self limiting life-Styles."
The SEPARATION PROCESS
As you will eventually come to perhaps the same conclusion the Key to freedom of the Introjects is awareness and separation.
About 14 years ago prior to me losing my home I used to have a neat gym in my large attic. I used to love it there. I had the basic weight lifting equipment with floor mats..and I also had an awesome audio system. I loved ( and still do ) Fusion Jazz, very up beat heavy bass sounds with a lot of pulsifying percussion ..even though I was over forty I still loved to blast the speakers as I worked out..
I also discovered that while I was in my routine besides a lot of feelings that were coming up I had a lot more Inner dialog attacks..they were vicious..Inwardly I consciously stood back SEPERATE FROM THE INNER DIALOG, OSERVING,WITNESSING and listened to them. I then started yelling and screaming at them at the top of my lungs, as if they were actual people standing in front of me.. I cursed at them, told them they were ( explicit deleted ) liars,yelled even louder telling them to leave me alone... when my anger came up had pumped a ton of weights releasing that anger the best productive way I could at the moment. The more I did this, the more I felt separated from the attacks. The more I felt distant from them..and yes several times after looking at how brutal and abusive they were I finished with a cartharic release...In other words I opened up and cried my butt off... ( This process is NOT Gestalt Therapy, not even Close ! )
Even after all of the feeling work I did plus self parenting work I did, it was not enough...Even though I had relentless thoughts POPPING UP that it wasn't working I was capable of ignoring the thoughts and did a reality check. The reality check was conclusive that indeed I was somewhere ,somehow better than I was, there just was a tremendous amount of work to do yet. I was determined NOT TO LISTEN TO THE THOUGHTS ( VOICE ) ANYMORE and move forward with even more of a determination.
A decision one day " GUIDED ME to another " MIRACLE"...a MAJOR find...
I decided to take the plunge with my deep feeling work and go to an intensive I knew it was going to deal with venting a lot of grief and anger at my parents. I did not use to get mad at my parents,I didn't dare... I remembered seeing a book in the Bibliography of one of John Bradshaw's books siting a book by a Dr. Firestone called "The Fantasy Bond". It rung a bell that maybe this would help me to deal with what I was coming to. I purchased the Book. It helped me tremendously get beyond the "denials" but it also mentioned another book that Dr. Firestone was writing called 'VOICE THERAPY". The brief description of the procedure was exactly what I was already doing to deal with the voices " naturally"..So I ran out again and purchased "Voice Therapy". It just blew me away.. It confirmed beyond any doubt that I was on track with the work I was doing. And many inner dialogs of other clients matched mine. I don't know about you but when I read a book I highlight in yellow phrases that I connect with, well the book now looks like the "yellow pages".
"THE ULTIMATE KEY TO THE SUCCESS OF STOPPING THE INFLUENCE OF THE NEGATIVE INNER DIALOG IS A CONSCIOUS SEPARATION FROM THE "VOICE" AND STOP REACTING TO IT, ACTING OUT IT'S ABUSIVE DIALOG.. IRONICALLY THERE IS ANOTHER MAJOR FEELING INVOLVED WITH THE PROCESS THAT IS NATURAL, ANXIETY.. SEVERE DEEP ANXIETY WILL RESULT....
AS A RESULT YOU NEED TO APPLY THE PRINICIPLES OF FEELING THE ANXIETY AT IT'S DEEPEST LEVEL...PROCESS THE ANXIETY AS OUTLINED IN PHASE II...
THE COMBINATION OF THE CONSCIOUS SEPARATION PLUS THE INTEGRATION OF THE ANXIETY IS UNBELIEVABLE"
OTHER CHARACTERISTICS
The key to freedom of the inner turmoil is a conscious identification and a deliberate separation from the " introjects".In order to do that you need to get to know them, to identify them. With many of the books listed on this site four will have excellent descriptions. The book on Self Parenting, I'm Ok, You're Ok and one of the most comprehensive studies on the subject was conducted by Dr. Firestone with VOICE THERAPY. John Bradshaw's Book Healing The Shame that Binds you will also help with the recognition of the introjects.
The most common characteristics include judgemental, critical and " absolute" statements. The absolute statements will usually include " always" and other rigid criteria.
The voice or tapes whatever you wish to call them is also disguised as our logic, but is down right stupid. It is destructive in nature. And by the way everybody is "subject to" the process. Intelligence DOES NOT influence the effect. A couple of examples here would be ..look at good old Richard Nixon where his inner dialog told him he needed to authorize Watergate, when in fact he would have won the election in a landslide anyway. To be politically correct look at Bill Clinton and his inner dialog told him " go ahead your president you can get away with, fool around with Monica". How about these very successful wealthy very well educated CEO'S that are in prison... their inner dialog talked them into screwing up the financial records...
These acts are not just " human nature". They reflect abusive, neglectful and irresponsible parenting attitudes introjected at their early stages of development. Actually the most important stages of our EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT happen between the Birth and the first Three years.
Another important characteristic, nature of the introjects is that they are fully developed Thought Processes that will not "change their mind". This is why POSITIVE THINKING in this respect does not work , in order to change. I am sure if you attempted to control the negative thoughts with positive thinking the negative thoughts kept on coming back anyway. How do you deal with the negativity ? Just be aware of it, observe it and don't let it influence your decision or behavior. As reported in one of the studies eventually the voices, thoughts will begin to diminish IF YOU WORK WITH THE PROCESS.
( 10-22-05 Additional effective cognitive exercises will be added within the next few weeks )
THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE..
ANOTHER CRITICAL PARADOX
There is another critical paradox that sounds contradictory to all that we have said so far about the negative inner voice/dialog. But once you "reach the other side" you will understand it better.
When the "voice" is in the form of panic attack or similar reoccurring thought that brings up a severe amount of an emotion. The introject is bringing to our consciousness an emotion( feeling ) that needs to be "processed". In this paradox the introject is a "messenger" . It is very difficult to accept at first , but when we have a severe attack of our negative thoughts that in fact is bringing up a considerable amount of anxiety, fear or even anger it is another " cycle". Coming up for us to actually process. When you become advanced with your processing in this case scenario you should not try to stop the voice attacks cognitively, but actually feel the feeling that is being generated and integrate.
I personally call this a POSITIVE-NEGATIVE. Because it is actually bringing up what we need to process. Once completely integrated the voice attacks will eventually stop. This is the other miracle I have experienced with the "shame" process, after I quit smoking" the thoughts to smoke also stopped, and following my recent process with my phobia the fearful attacks are completely gone...let's repeat this critical point..
WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE ?
AGAIN, SIMPLE..
If the situation is over powering, if the "Voice" is too strong to separate from then YOU MUST surrender to the feeling process...and once the process is completed the "Voice " with regards to that specific ISSUE will be gone...
PHASE III SUMMARY
A complete understanding and acceptance of this introspection process and how this process influences our decisions and behaviors.
Total awareness including means to identify the Voice, get to "Know it"..
THE ULTIMATE KEY TO FREEDOM IS AN ABSOLUTE CONSCIOUS SEPARATION FROM THE PARENTING TAPES/ VOICE...( THOUGHTS )...
From your witness, consciously step back and observe the thoughts. If some anger comes up and providing the circumstances where you are at would allow it, go ahead and yell at "IT". Tell "IT" that it is a LIAR, an IDIOT, a PAIN IN THE BUTT...
At a much less subtle attack simply pay attention to "IT" and simply ignore what it is telling you... Make it a daily ritual to do specifically the opposite of what it is telling you. A couple of years ago I wanted to purchase a new Sport Coat. At the time I hadn't purchased one in a few years. There was a great sale on so I decided to go buy one. I got BOMBARDED with a dozen of real stupid reasons why I shouldn't. I couldn't believe it. I then just disconnected , stepped on the gas , got to the mall faster than I intended, then bought THREE new jackets..
Before you react to the comments of the voice do a reality check...QUESTIONS THE THOUGHTS !! Is it really true or is it ridiculous ?
This also includes to be aware of the subtle commands that prevent you from achieving your personal relationship and career goals.
The process WILL cause anxiety, separation anxiety. Remember this is a GOOD ANXIETY.. allow your self to apply the feeling part of the ARP ( Acellerated Recovery ProcessTM) and process the anxiety as you move forward...
Purchase a copy of DR. Firestone's VOICE THERAPY and try VOICE THERAPY. If you need help ask your therapist to contact GLENDON ASSOCIATES . They have additional services and material including videos for professionals.
PHASE IV WILL DEAL WITH ADDICTIONS
PHASE IV TO TOP HOME VISITOR FEEDBACK
NEW SITE STEP BY STEP WORKBOOK